


The Angel Do So To Me

by sapphicalexandra



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Episode: s02e05 Dust and Shadows, M/M, Parabatai Feels, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 07:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13243719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicalexandra/pseuds/sapphicalexandra
Summary: Jace didn’t think, not about anything, especially about the people wordlessly watching the scene unfold. He simply leaned forward, urged by the crippling, inexorable emptiness growing inside of him, and placed his bleeding lips against Alec’s equally chapped ones.Alternative version of the ending of 'Parabatai Lost'.





	1. Parabatai Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching The Scene, you know the one, in 'Parabatai Lost' the other day, and i was hit by feels, so i just had to! AKA here i am again with the fix-it rewritings XD And I can't believe it's almost been a year since this episode...but also, that it's _only_ been a year, cause it's such a foundamentally Jalec episode that it feels like it's been there forever...
> 
> p.s. Happy 2018 (such a surreal number...) to all! This is the first thing I wrote in the new year, woah!

“The Angel do so to me…”

Jace’s voice cracked and died in his throat. His hand trembled as it held Alec’s face, and that was when Alec let out one last shaky breath, before slumping down to the side.

 _No,_ no _, Alec_ …

This was all his fault. _He_ had done this to Alec, his parabatai, the other much more honorable part of himself…

Jace didn’t think, not about anything, _especially_ about the people wordlessly watching the scene unfold. He simply leaned forward, urged by the crippling, inexorable _emptiness_ growing inside of him, and placed his bleeding lips against Alec’s equally chapped ones. He shut his eyes closed, hoping, _praying_ that some of his life would transfer directly into Alec. Their lips had never met like this, and Jace had no idea why he had thought of it _now_ , why he didn’t want to break away from Alec, why Alec’s lips felt exactly _right_ against his…

As a tear trickled down his cheek, Jace leaned back and reopened his eyes, looking down at the still-lifeless face of who was never supposed to die _before him_.   

Unacceptable, _unfathomable_. Jace gathered Alec into his arms.

“And more also, if aught but death part thee and me,” he managed to finish the oath.

Alec was still warm, yet completely limp against him. Jace softly cradled his head.

“Please, don’t leave me, Alec,” he said, he _begged_.

_Please, forgive me, Alec._

_Please, you can’t leave me, Alec._

_Please, I will do anything, if you just…_

“If aught but death part thee and me.”

Jace gasped, as that incredibly groggy but the most _welcome_ of voices echoed in the silence. Jace felt a sob stuck in his throat as he eased Alec onto the chaise lounge. Both Alec’s eyes and Alec’s mouth were wide open in shock, or awe, either way _something_ that hit Jace in his very core as he couldn’t help a sigh of relief and a smile opening on his face. He had thought he would never get to stare into Alec’s eyes again, yet there they were, bright and warm and fixed on _him_ as if Alec couldn’t believe he was really there…

And for the second time, Jace listened to the urge pulling him forward, until he had crushed his mouth against Alec’s all over again. This time, though, there was blessed, precious _life_ under him, which responded to the kiss after only a moment of utter immobility.

And they were _kissing_. Both of Jace’s hands were cradling Alec’s face as Alec surged up to better meet him, and Jace kissed Alec with everything he had, letting their tongues tangle together, letting their mouths get acquainted with each other in a whole new, intoxicating way. Judging by the way Alec clung to him, it wasn’t like that just for him.

Jace still didn’t know what had _gotten_ into him. Was it just the desperation, the fear, the momentary grief over losing his parabatai? Probably…yet, as Alec made a sound that resembled a _whine_ , Jace’s sole thought was making sure that Alec would never have to sacrifice his life for him again. He’d make sure to be Alec’s source of _happiness_ , instead.

He _wanted_ to be.

 _Alec_ , Jace could only think then. His parabatai. His other much more honorable part of himself. Angel, was he really…?

Jace stopped the kiss, and he looked at Alec, trying to gather his thoughts, his emotions, this _feeling_ , because he needed to know what it _was_ …

 _Later_ , he concluded. For now, Jace simply crushed Alec into a hug, and, as they held onto each other, he could feel that Alec was clearly sobbing in his arms. Oh, Alec…how he must’ve hurt because of their separation. Jace _knew_ it, because he had felt exactly the same. And he had also almost lost Alec for _good_. Jace couldn’t close his eyes as that fact _settled_ in him, marking him likely forever.

_Alec, my Alec…_

Jace only wanted to kiss him again, and never let him go, ever again.

“Jace Wayland!” Victor Aldertree’s voice boomed like thunder, and Jace tore himself away from Alec with a start, getting up to face his fate, albeit placing himself in front of Alec to protect him from view. “You are hereby sentenced to the City of Bones to await trial for the charge of high treason and aiding Valentine in the war against the Clave.”

Guards came up behind Jace and secured him. He didn’t try to struggle; he didn’t see any point in that. Looking straight ahead, Jace passed the three people who had helped him get to Alec, who – _shit_ – had just witnessed everything. Guilt sparked up in him, but he still hoped that they wouldn’t tell anyone…

“Wait, what – what the hell is going _on_?” came Alec’s very alarmed, very weak voice.

Jace turned towards him with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Alec. All that matters is you’re back.”

After one last glance at Alec, who was struggling to get up but too weak to do so, who was looking at him still completely out of sorts, confused by everything that was happening, probably only now realizing what he, _they_ had just done…Jace only felt _more_ guilty for raining all that on him in such a moment.

 _I’m sorry, Alec… I love you,_ was what he would have never been able to say. Because Alec was with someone else, because it was forbidden, because _he_ wasn't right for Alec...

Jace was marched out of the loft, and towards the City of Bones.


	2. Dust and Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What was Alec supposed to do? Or feel? Was he just supposed to let it go as if nothing had ever happened? Was he supposed to forget the taste of Jace’s lips?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because i’m allergic to too-open endings, here's a follow up! Set at the start of s02e05 'Dust and Shadows'.

Arrow after arrow flew from Alec’s freezing and bleeding hands. He didn’t care; Alec _welcomed_ the pain. It was so biting and sharp that all his thoughts could only focus on it, and nothing else.

At least until he sensed a presence next to him, and he pointed his bow at the last person he would’ve wanted to see. Jace, of _course_.

Why couldn’t his parabatai just leave him to his misery? Why couldn’t Jace let him suffer, instead of trying to ease his pain, especially when it was only _deserved_? Jace was supposed to be angry at him, and to not want to see him! He should _not_ be making light of the situation by reminding Alec of their first encounter, or by trying to unburden him of his guilt.

Alec couldn’t stand _looking_ at him. He turned around and walked to the other side of the rooftop.

“ _Alec_ , Valentine has the _Soul-Sword_! He slaughtered the Silent Brothers. We need our best soldiers…”

“Stop pretending this never happened!” His outburst and the loudness of his voice surprised even himself, but Alec could only stare stubbornly at Jace, who had been stunned into silence. “ _All_ of it, Jace!” Alec went on. “I couldn't save you from Valentine, I ended up being saved by _you_. I couldn't save you from the City of Bones, I was being _possessed_. I – she's Clary's _mother_! _Your_ mother.”

Alec took a shuddering breath as the silence that followed felt thick and heavy like a fog.

“Nobody blames you,” Jace tentatively said at last.

Alec gritted his teeth. “They _should_.”

He needed to get _out_ of there. Alec turned around towards the edge of the rooftop, covertly taking out his stele to activate the rune on his hand…

He stopped himself. For some reason, he _couldn’t_ get out of there. Steeling himself as much as he could, which wasn’t much, Alec faced Jace instead.

“ _Why_ …why did you _kiss_ me?!”

Alec hated it, he hated the way his voice cracked, he hated Jace’s pained expression, he hated the way Jace made him _feel_. He hated that he hadn’t been able to _not_ think about that kiss, and about the way Jace had _looked_ at him, had _held_ him, had been the one to bring him back to _life_.

And now, what was Alec supposed to _do_? Or _feel_? Was he just supposed to let it go as if nothing had ever happened? Was he supposed to _forget_ the taste of Jace’s lips?

When he still wasn’t met with an answer, Alec _had_ to press on, “Just, tell me _why_! Was it just a spur of the moment thing? If so, _fine_ , I get it, just…don’t, you can’t _do_ that, Jace. You can’t keep making a fool out of me.”

They had never talked openly about it. After the disaster with the memory demon, Jace had simply acted like it was nothing. After their fight at the entrance of the City of Bones, they had _not_ acknowledged the words Jace had literally _thrown_ at him. Now, after a _kiss_ …Alec couldn’t stand not having an explanation. Nor could he live with the uncertainty of exactly how much Jace _knew_ , and _what_ he thought of it – of Alec’s feelings for him.

So that was what Alec said, “I can’t – Jace, I can’t go on like this. I can’t live with this elephant in the room between us. So I’m just gonna say it, and _you’re_ gonna say something in return, then I’ll walk away and we won’t have to talk about it ever again.”

Jace opened his mouth. It hung like that for a few seconds, but no sound came out of it. Jace shut it back closed, and simply nodded.

Alec was positive he was going to be sick. It _had_ been his idea, but that _nod_ twisted his gut to the point of nausea, and he had to swallow bile before he could just _say it_ , “I have feelings for you. I’m in love with you. I know it’s stupid, and I don’t demand anything from you, we’ll always be parabatai and I’ll just… _forget_ about it. But now that you’ve heard it from me you have no more excuses for kissing me just for the hell of it. Cause that’s just…cruel. I know you didn’t mean to be, but…if you don’t ever do that again, I’d be very _grateful_.”

Jace still wasn’t saying anything. Alec waited, then waited, then he simply gave up and made to turn around.

“I can’t promise you that.”

Alec froze. He glanced at Jace, only to be met with steely eyes. “Jace… _please_.” Alec felt tired all of a sudden. “We’re bound together for life, but that doesn’t mean that I’m your playth-” Jace strode towards him, something on his face that told Alec that he had a _purpose_. “Jace, I _told_ you not...”

Alec backed away, but behind him there was the parapet, and he couldn’t go on. He had no way to stop Jace from coming up to him until no more than a hand could’ve fit between them.

However, at that point all the steel seemed to fade out of Jace. Jace’s hands came up to fist around Alec’s shirt, a grip that was nothing but desperate, as Jace stared at a point under Alec’s chin. “I can’t promise you I won’t kiss you again, Alec,” he croaked.

Alec was forcing himself to keep his breathing even, but to not much avail. “Jace…don’t make me push you away.”

“You can do that, if you want,” Jace said, his voice uncharacteristically small. “But know that I don’t want you to. And you could never be my plaything.” Jace did raise his head then, and there were lights playing in Jace’s eyes. “You could never be, because you are simply…everything. No, not _simply._ You are everything.”

Alec forcefully closed his eyes shut. “Jace…”

“Alec, look at me.” Alec didn’t want to, but his traitorous eyes had already opened, _yearning_ to soak in the golden sight of his parabatai. “It might’ve been a spur of the moment thing, but not anything I could ever regret, or not want to do again.” Jace’s hands traced Alec’s chest, until they went up to Alec’s neck, to his face… “I _hate_ that it took me to almost lose you, but – _Alec_ ,” Jace’s voice inexplicably died, and the next moment Jace’s face was buried against Alec’s chest.

Alec wasn’t breathing. He didn’t dare, as if he feared to spook Jace. Not that Alec had any idea of what was happening. He might’ve been short-circuiting; still, his hands were already circling Jace in a reassuring hug. Alec suddenly felt warm all over. “Jace…what are you saying?”

Jace’s face was now very up and close to Alec’s. “I don’t know how to say it. Alec, I think – no, I _feel_ that I love you, too. I just, I don’t know…”

And Jace’s mouth was on his, and Alec was lost. Giving up with a strangled sound, Alec took everything that Jace was giving him, holding him closer and closer, melting against his lips until he couldn’t feel the cold anymore. And Jace kissed him, and _kissed_ him. Alec still didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t care. Or, he felt like he didn’t _need_ to know, because he finally _understood_.

_The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me._

They ended up locked in a hug, for a long while after they had stopped kissing.

“What do we do now?” Alec asked in a whisper, his breath hitting Jace’s ear. He could feel Jace shivering.

“I don’t know,” Jace finally said, and Alec nodded mutely. “Just…don’t let me go.”

Alec kissed the skin at the base of Jace’s neck. “Never.”


End file.
